Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...

AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE. THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED THROAT.




SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD

THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG

GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A

...BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.



THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING, "HEY

OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"



THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID

DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."



A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU

OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD

WOMAN'S FEET.



THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOES BLOWN OFF -

STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.



WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL

LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE

SALOON.



THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED

SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.



THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.



THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.



THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.



THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S ASS?"



THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MA'AM... BUT... I'VE

ALWAYS WANTED TO."



THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:



1 - NEVER BE ARROGANT.

2 - Don't waste ammunition.

3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...



I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?





· Sure I wave the American Flag. Do you know a better one?" ~ John Wayne

Bob and Ralph were fishing

Bob and Ralph were fishing on the
Irish shoreline when Bob

Pulled out a cigar. Finding he had
No matches, he asked Ralph for a light.



...'Ya, Shure, I tink I have a loiter,'

Ralph replied, and then reaching into his tackle

Box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.



'BeeJaysus, man!' exclaimed Bob, taking

The huge Bic Lighter in his hands.

'Where'd yew git dat monster?'



'Well,' replied Ralph,

'I got it from me Genie.'



'You have a Genie?' Bob asked.



'Ya, Shure. It's right here in me tackle

Box,' says Ralph.



'Could I see him?'



Ralph opens his tackle box and

Sure enough, out pops the Genie.



Addressing the Genie, Bob says,

'Hey derr! I'm a good pal of

Yer master. Will you grant me

One wish?'



'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.



So Bob asks the Genie for a

Million bucks. The Genie disappears

Back into the tackle box leaving

Bob sitting there waiting for his million

Bucks. Shortly, the Irish sky

Darkens and is filled with the sound of

A million ducks.....

Flying directly overhead.



Over the roar of the million ducks

Bob yells at Ralph,

'What the hell? I asked for a million

Bucks, not a million ducks!'



Ralph answers,

'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat Genie

Is hard of hearing. Ditchyew really tink

dat I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'