Saturday, September 22, 2012

A bed by the hospital window.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.


The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you".

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Best Aggie Joke for 2012: The Aggie Tree Expert

Personal Photo Licensed:

A new graduate from Texas A&M  named Bubba from College Station Texas decided to travel across the State of TEXAS to see God'S country. When he got to CARTHAGE in east TEXAS, he liked the place so much that he decided to stay. But first he had find a job!!!!

Bubba walked into the International Paper Company office and filled out an application as an experienced log inspector. It was his lucky day!! They just happened to be looking for someone right then. But first, the log foreman took him for a ride into the forest in the company pickup truck to see how much he knew.

The foreman stopped the truck on the side of the road and pointed at a tree and said "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."


Bubba promptly answered, "That thar's a white pine, and thar's 383 board feet of lumber in 'er."

The foreman was impressed!!! He put the truck back in gear and started driving again. He stopped about a mile down the road and pointed at another tree through the passenger window. The foreman asked the same two questions as before. This time it was a bigger tree of a different class.

The redneck replied, "That's a loblolly pine and she's got about 456 clear board feet."

The foreman was really impressed with this good ol' boy. This redneck was quick and he got the answers right without using a calculator!!! But the foreman wanted to do one more test.

They drove a little further down the road, and the foreman stopped the truck again. This time, he pointed across the road and said, "And what about that one?"

Before the foreman could finish pointing, Bubba said, "White oak, and 242 board feet at best."

The foreman spun the truck around and headed back to the office a little ticked off because he thinks the redneck is smarter than himself. As they neared the office, the foreman stopped the truck and asked Bubba to step out of the truck. The foreman handed him a piece of chalk and told him, "See that tree over there? I want you to mark an "X" on the front of that tree!!" The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot, how will he know which is the front of a tree?"

When Bubba reaches the tree, he walks around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He reaches up and places a white "X" on the trunk. The redneck then walked back to the foreman and handed him the chalk. "That thar's the front," Bubba said.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The good ol' boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replied, "Cuz someone took a shit behind it!"

Bubba got the job~!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Secluded Garden

Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Frank turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?' She asks, 'What?'' "Sex." he replies. Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!' 'I know,' Frank says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for awhile.' "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Frank's manhood. Then one night Frank didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Frank's manhood! Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son-of-a-b*tch! What does Ethel have that I don't have?' Old Frank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's."