To celebrate their parents 50 years together their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor

To celebrate their parents 50 years together their three kids, all successful, agreed to a
Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1.
'Sorry I'm running late.
I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know
how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father.
"Important thing is we're all together today."
Son No. 2 arrived.
"You and Mom look great, Dad.
I just flew in from LA between depositions & didn't
have time to shop for you."
"It's nothing," said the father.
"We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived.
"Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town & I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said,
"There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.
"You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.
Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and said,
"WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep", said the father, "Cheap ones too..."

So this duck walks into a pet store and says to the clerk, "Got any duck food?"

"No", says the clerk, "we only sell dog food and cat food." 
"OK", says the duck and walks out. 
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?" 
The clerk once again replies, "No, like I told you, we only sell cat food and dog food." 
"OK", says the duck and walks out. 
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?" 
The clerk says "Hey look, I told you two times already that we only sell cat food and dog food!" 
"OK", says the duck and walks out. 
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?" 
This time the clerk yells "We don't sell any duck food and if you come in here one more time asking, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to the ground!" 
"OK", says the duck and walks out. 
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any nails?" 
"No", says the confused clerk. 
The duck says, "Got any duck food?"